Idiocracy

Pakistan Today, October 23, 2012

We are one of the few countries that hate the US with a vengeance, yet persist on calling ourselves ‘allies’

Between Barack Hussein Obama and Willard Mitt Romney, the latter is the last person you’d think has anything in common with a stereotypical Muslim. But given the fact that if he were to win Indecision 2012 and then croak, the White House would have a first, second and third lady: he is very much in the Muslim vein of things. If you do not know what this means, congratulations; you know even less about the most irrelevant US presidential election in recent history than I do.

Comparing Obama’s first outing to this, his re-election bid, would be like comparing an India-Pakistan cricket match to a Norwich-Swansea football match: it would sound just plain dumb. It is a foregone conclusion that the incumbent has about as much interest in this race as a beaver would have in the Greek financial crisis. Relying heavily on the “I killed Osama” card is a mistake that the Obama camp is surely making. Or so the numbers say.

To be fair, the money bags-Mormon tag team are worthy opponents. Money may not buy happiness, but it does get one a decent shot at winning a popular election. Ask any Pakistani MNA. However, what is surprising is that Pakistani politics is not being overrun by analogies and parallels to the US presidential race. There are no wordplays around the “Yes we can” tagline, and the promise of change, having been successfully hijacked by Imran Khan, is the furthest thing from people’s minds right now.

Critics of my viewpoint may say that Pakistan has a lot riding on the elections, and will further argue that any ‘excitement’ among Pakistanis (or the lack thereof) is irrelevant in the greater scheme of things because this is, after all, the US presidential elections and not the local body polls in Karachi. But it is interesting how people are no longer asking each other, “Did you watch the town hall last night?”

The facts are quite simple. Obama has abandoned his tall claims of ‘change we could possibly at one time have believed in’ and is counting on his successes and the weakness of the GOP to lead him to an easy victory. Even CNN is not doing the complicated electoral college projections that were staple fare ahead of the 2008 elections. Add to that a lacklustre round of debates on abstract issues between two unimpressive candidates and this officially becomes a snoozefest.

From a purely Pakistani perspective, there is not going to be a change. Romney overtly endorsed Obama’s rocky relationship with our fair backwater, going so far as to say that he “understands” the incumbent’s frustration with its most unwilling of allies. This, unfortunately, is true. We are, for better or for worse, one of the few countries that hate the United States with a vengeance, yet persist on calling ourselves ‘allies’. Being in the same list as Saudi Arabia isn’t really something to be proud of.

On everything from drone attacks and economic aid to travel restrictions and broader diplomatic relations, both candidates seem to be reading from the same playbook. Gone are the days when Clinton and Bush had polarizing views and approaches to dealing with Pakistan. Washington today has even less context about Islamabad and the things it does than any of their predecessors. And this is not without reason. The only way to achieve nuance is through continued engagement at a peer-to-peer level. However, the US is increasingly treating Pakistan as an academic anomaly, something which is to be studied, not engaged with. Most of the folks up in DC would much rather ask academics what to do with Pakistan rather than asking Pakistanis. And to be fair, we should give them a dose of their own medicine.

I hope you understand that my lack of grasp (or rather, an unwillingness to grasp) the bigger picture in the case of Indecision 2012 stems not from ignorance but indifference. The picture is not changing, only the frame. Come November, we’re just gonna have another guy who refuses to come to Pakistan because of “security concerns” and will probably be making the pilgrimage to Delhi three or more times during the course of his term. Obama was toothless when it came to tension in the subcontinent and from the looks of things Romney is going to be more of the same, only more overtly pro-India. He already has his eyes on our “100 plus” nuclear weapons stockpile and has made it clear that he’s still not convinced that the democratically elected civilians are fully in charge of things.

Given the state of the idiocracy, I don’t think we should get our hopes up. It’s not even a question of the lesser evil. More like the lesser dumbass. And that’s not good.